I feel I have no "adults" to really talk to besides going on FB (which I'm probably on way too much). I don't feel that I really have any "true" friends out here. (Please no one take offense to that). I just would love to have at least one friend I can call anytime or actually wants to spend time with me and really tries to make that happen. One who just comes by sometime to say hi. Most days, that's all I need. Just a hug and to talk to someone besides a 2 and 4 year old. I'm not that bad of a person, am I? I want a friend who won't say no 98% of the time when I invite them to do something. I know I can try a little harder myself. I have tried a little, but probably not enough. I have been hurt SO many times in the past by so called "friends" that I find it very hard to go out of my way as much as I used to. Pathetic and maybe a little selfish, I know. I don't know that my heart can handle it. Especially right now. Plus, I almost feel guilty for taking someone away from their family by asking to come and hang out with me. Man, I am pathetic. Sure there have been people in my ward that have said, "If you ever need anything, just let me know." That's just not me. I don't like asking for help. I'm a little stubborn in that aspect. Plus, how do I tell someone, I just need a friend.
I hate having to go to bed alone at night. That is probably the hardest part. It makes it more of a reality that he's not around. I miss my best friend. We've been friends for 12 years and I hate being apart from him for this long. I hate crying myself to sleep on so many nights. I hate that I can't just call him anytime I want to. I hate that I can't just have his arms around me after a really rough day. It's hard. SO hard. I know I should be grateful that he will be coming home and he's not gone forever like so many military wives have to go through. If that ever happens, I think I might go a bit crazy. ;o) I am so grateful that he's willing to sacrifice and serve our country (and our family), I'm just selfish and would rather him home with me. :o)
Anyway, this post is not to make you have pity on me at all. I would rather you don't actually. It's not like I'm depressed and can't function at all during the day. I'm doing ok. Just lonely. I just needed to vent a little. Plus, I really only have like one reader now, so I'm sure most of you won't even see this post. Haha! I just needed to write out my feelings a little. (I should probably just start a journal again, huh?)
3 comments:
I do feel sorry for you Jenn. It is tough being alone. Glad you get to see him soon.
My friend! I'm so glad I get to see your blog now! I'm super sad for you. I TOTALLY know how you feel about friends...not to have a pity party or anything, but I feel exactly the same way. I don't feel like I've had any truly good girlfriends, like, ever. I've been too good of friends with guys my whole life, so that's been a challenge since marriage. Not that I don't enjoy being married, but I'm sure you know what I mean. I finally, FINALLY, feel like I made a good friend with a gal in my ward, and I found out she's moving to Utah at the end of the month. Ha ha. Guess that's how life works sometimes. I'm sad you have to be without your hubby so much! You're a dang strong woman! I don't think I could do it! If you want to vent or something, you can always email or Facebook me. :)
I'm so glad it works for you now too! I wonder if anyone else is having any issues...Thank you so much girl! I wish we lived closer, I'd totally love to hang with ya. We never really got to know each other all that well at EA and I always thought you were the coolest! ;o)
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